Emily Fan Yang




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© 2015-2021 Emily Fan Yang. All rights reserved.

Emily Fan Yang



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这是一场连续下了一个月,也不知何时会停的雨。第一周的时候大家还会抱怨一下,可快到第三周的时候大家似乎已经习以为常了,不约而同适地应了新的生活:公交会比自己开车更快,不过地铁可有点危险;大家也没了打扮的心情,湿漉漉的头发自由地搭在因缺少日照而白净的脸上;办公大楼里的上班族还为了最后的体面打着伞,而越来越多的人开始接受了这样的天气。

海平面不断上涨,此刻已经到防护堤的中位线。一个浪打过来,就没过了防护堤。

教室里的老师还在上课。我的学校在城市最高点。不断上涨的水并不会影响我们。

我望着窗外发呆,窗外一直有人背着行李往学校这个方向走。而海面远处的烟花无力又无声地一朵接一朵绽放。

老师讲课的声音停了下来。我重新把视线集中到他身上,他看向窗外,说了句:“堤都变低了”。

I

There is no end in sight to this rain which has continued for a whole month. During the first week people still grumbled about it, but they later got used to the rain and started to adjust to this new norm of life unanimously when the rain entered its third week: buses run faster than private cars, but the subway is still a little bit too dangerous to ride; everyone loses their interest in dressing up, so their tussled, rain-soaked hair liberally covers their untanned face, which is a result thanks to the lack of sun exposure; office workers are still holding up their umbrellas as if it’s their last sign of decency, while more and more people start accepting this kind of weather.

The sea level keeps rising, reaching the midline of the seawall. A wave splashes over and devours the seawall.

My teacher is still giving their lecture in the classroom. My school locates at the highest point of the city. The continuously rising sea level won’t affect us.

I stare blankly out of the window. There are always people carrying luggage on their back and walking toward our school. Meanwhile, fireworks bloom into the sky over the sea at a distance, weakly and silently, one by one.

The teacher pauses his lecture, so I return my attention onto him. He looks out of the window and whispers, “The seawall seems to have become lower.”





我跟着大家走在队伍当中。一路上遍地废墟,抬头便可见漫天烟花。没有声响,也没那一飞冲天的劲,升上天空,然后像萤火虫那样温柔地飘荡在空气中,也像是春天的柳絮。前方的领队让所有人快点走。我不擅长跑步,我没跑几步,就跑不动了。

等我再醒来,我在一个人的背上。他的背是如此温暖,我贪恋这份体温。我环顾四周全是高层公寓。里面的居民拿着大锤子锤自家的墙,看到我们这行人,其中有人大喊:看呐,这建筑都变脆了。我这时意识到那些像烟花的东西是病毒,它侵蚀着所有物体。

我想起很多年前我做过一个梦,梦里的他对我说:“平行线也是一种浪漫。为何一定要相交呢?”

“我觉得我们现在就像是两条平行线。”我在梦里回答他。

我和他就真的变成了两条不相交的平行线?我那时心有不甘。我拿出塔罗牌,默念、洗牌,抽出三张牌,过去、现在、未来。现在——恶魔。恶魔长着摩羯的样子,恶魔下方有两个被链条拴住的一男一女。这张塔罗牌对应着土星。那是我第一次抽中恶魔牌。

我们终于到达终点。我无法向你描述那个背我的人长什么样。他在走之前对我说,我能抱你吗?以后就碰不到你的皮肤了。我们相拥的时候,我什么都没想,没想过去的他,也没想此时的他,只是拥抱。

II

I follow the group and walk in the middle of the line. Ruins occupy the streets as we pass by; fireworks light up the sky when we look up. There is no sound and no soaring momentum. Fireworks fly up into the sky, and then tenderly float in the air as if they are fireflies or willow catkins in spring. Our captain, who leads the team in the front, orders us to walk faster. I am not good at running. I am out of my breath before I can run any longer.

Someone is carrying me on his back when I wake up. His back is so warm that I covet his body heat. Looking around, all I can see are high-rise residential buildings. Inside, residents are hitting their own doors with giant hammers. When they see our procession, one of them starts yelling at us, “Look, this building has become brittle.” In that moment, I realize the things that look like fireworks are in fact viruses, and they are eroding everything.

I remember a dream I had many years ago. In the dream he said to me, “Paralleled lines are also romantic. Why do they have to intersect?”

“I think we are just like two paralleled lines right now,” I told him in my dream.

So, did we really turn into two paralleled lines which will never cross? I didn’t want to give in back then. I took out my tarot cards, chanted in silence, shuffled the deck, and pulled out three cards which spoke to the past, the present and the future. The present — a Devil card. The devil looks like a Baphomet. Below him there are two chains tying down a man and a woman. This card is ruled by Saturn. That was my first time pulling out the Devil card.




有人在石洞里放声大喊,讨人厌的声音回荡在石壁上。幽暗的石洞在盛夏散出的阵阵凉气也无法让人身感畏惧。在这栖息的鸟则用自己的声音咒骂那自大的人。亿万年前的早期地下河水,沿着岩层裂缝不断溶蚀形成这个石洞。亿万年,这个时间超过了我的认知。但石头却知道,并留下了证据。石洞上方的岩层看起来像是缩小版的星系,离我最多100米。亿万年。亿。万。年。天文学家说3亿年后土星环会消失。我觉得自己有点可怜,我连我自己半年后的人生都无法预测。

今天从地球上看到的土星和木星又再次重合,只差0.1度。1227年,成吉思汗去世。在他去世前一年,土星和木星重合,就和今晚一样接近。在这之前之后,中国已经更迭了好几个朝代,而欧洲还在中世纪。网络上的占星师兴奋地大呼:这代表着一个新时代的开始!

这说法倒是能对上玛雅人的历史。

哦,对了。今天,我遇到了他。我吃力地跑着过去,并抱紧了他。我们现在都穿着厚厚的防护服——我们像是穿了个大泡泡,衣服里充满了气体。

III

Someone shouts out loud in the stone cave. The noisome voice resonates over the rock walls. Cold air emanated from the gloomy cave during midsummer fails to frighten anyone, so birds which dwell in the cave curse at that self-conceited person with their own screeches. Underground river water from billions of years ago flowed down and corroded the strata cracks, which eventually formed this stone cave. Billions of years, such a time duration exceeds my limit of knowledge. But the stone knows, and leaves us proofs. The rock strata above the cave look like a miniature galaxy, which is no more than 100 meters away from me. Billions of years. Billions. Of. Years. Astronomers say that the Saturn’s rings will disappear in 300 million years. It makes me pity myself, because I can’t even predict my life in half of a year.

As we see from the Earth today, Saturn and Jupiter conjunction happens again with a gap as minimal as 0.1 degree. Genghis Khan died in 1227. The year before his death, Saturn and Jupiter overlapped just as close to each other as tonight. Dynastic vicissitudes had taken place in China around that time, but Europe was still in its medieval period. Internet astrologers exclaim in excitement, “This is the start of a new era!”

In any case, such belief accords with the history of Mayans.

Oh, I forgot to mention. Today I met him. I ran toward him in strenuous effort and hugged him tight. Now, both of us are wearing thick and bulky protective suits which resemble massive zorbing bubbles inflated with gas.